parenting

     This is a gig that I will definitely never master.  Ever.  Some days that is very discouraging.  But then I remember that I am trying.  Each day I am slogging along, hoping that out of this will come well-adjusted self-confident adults that love their Heavenly Father, (and hopefully their mother).  Tall order.  Lots of errors are made.  Lots.  It becomes so easy to lay the problems of life at the feet of parents who were not perfect.  At some point each person becomes the owner of their own life, and the setbacks, the cruelties, and unfair circumstances that we all experience need to become the refiners' fire that make us who we are, and not the ball and chain that keep us from progressing.  We can all point to some insurmountable obstacle that we all faced, and how easy it would have been to just sit at the base of the obstacle, and let that define the rest of our life.  Too often that does happen, and people become embittered, static beings that cannot find peace or happiness.  But when we scale those obstacles; an abusive childhood, an unfaithful spouse, a wayward child, sickness, etc., we emerge a winner, and can continue to progress and rely on the Atonement to keep moving forward.
             So, back to parenting.  How do we get our children to use us as a springboard instead of an obstacle that keeps them from seeing their possibilities?  I don't know.  I only know that I remember so well sitting with my little girl in my lap reading the book 'Are You My Mother' over and over again, until she could recite it by heart to her little brother.  I remember sitting in a rocking chair for many hours of the day and night rocking a feverish and miserable baby while she slept fitfully.  There are the those many moments when you take a minute and watch your child as they sculpt with play-doh or build with blocks or play with dollies, when your heart gives a tug so strong it is physically painful.  It's the same tug you feel when they clamber onto the big yellow bus for the first time, when they master that list of spelling words and when they kick that first soccer goal.  We experience each heartache and disappointment right along with them, and in our imperfect, sometimes stumbling ways we try to comfort, and to help them make sense of all the ups and downs they encounter.  And (let's be honest) we sometimes smile inwardly and even roll our eyes at the drama and heartache that can ensue from the silliest of reasons - cue the wailing and tears, "MOM!  I raised my hand in class and my armpits were SWEATY!!!  Everybody saw!!!"

      My hope is that it will be enough.  That the homemade meals, the family home evenings and family prayers, the endless hours and miles of taxi driving for piano and sports and activities will somehow add up to a happy childhood for them.  I'm hoping that all the heartache and mistakes will be swallowed up by the prayers and tears and laundry and cooking and laughter and good times.  Sometimes the equation doesn't work in our favor.  It just doesn't.  But we keep trying and hope that our kids realize that despite our imperfections (there are many!) that we are doing our best and hope our kids know all we want is for them to reach their greatest potential as human beings!!